Week Three: Write Everyday or Else…

As is always the case I have over-estimated my ability to focus. These past two weeks have not been very productive, as far as the thesis writing is concerned.  While I have written more than I usually do, it hasn’t been enough.  With moving and driving back and forth between my old address and new address it’s been quite chaotic.

I came home for Christmas, although I did  almost regret the decision when I came home to major drama. Still, Christmas is about family and seeing through differences to be together, oh and Jesus’s birthday and I think Jesus should come before my thesis.

The problem is when I’m home all I want to do is help my parents with the house and helping them get things in order, especially since we’re hosting Christmas Eve and the house is still quite messy because of the renovations.

As is with most crazy times, things seem to get crazy just when you think it can’t get any worse. Well on Saturday I sprained my ankle, had to go to the doctor and I can’t seem to stop walking on it.

Since, I can’t help with too much around the house now that my ankle and foot are really bruised and swollen, I’ve decided this is the PERFECT excuse to get some writing done. I did, however vacuum the house this morning though; I also went up into the attic to get some things down to do some minor decorating for Christmas.

I’m not going to do too much physical work though because I’m a runner and not being able to run is killing me. I never realized how much I love to be running around, standing up, and doing stuff until I couldn’t. Yesterday I tried to play the piano but that was a bust because of course I sprained my right ankle which is the foot for the pedal. LAME. At least I have an excuse to write. Maybe that’s what I needed all along.

Well, I’m off to write until my fingers fall off.

Yesterday

Day one of my 6 week intense writing session went well. Because my parents’ house is too chaotic for me to concentrate in, I packed up my laptop and headed to Barnes and Noble, where they have free wi-fi. It was great. In between the writing session I took a brief break to catch-up with an old girlfriend.

I felt a pinch cliché sitting at a Barnes and Noble in their Starbucks writing, but then I thought about the town I grew up, where my parents still live I decided it’s probably considered more cliché in a huge city where art thrives. The town my parents live in does not have thriving art work.

It’s your average American town where many kids from high school try out the community college with the goal of getting out, but end up taking 6 years to get an AA. This is the kind of town where for the most part if you go to the mall you’re very likely to see at least one or two persons you know. I love it here, but I’m glad I was able to escape. For some, it’s very difficult to be successful here.

My boyfriend is from a town that is very similar to this, except his town is about 3000 miles on the other side of the country. What I’ve learned is that regardless of coast the towns we  are from are not exclusive to us.

Anyways, that’s why  I didn’t feel as cliché and will be doing more of the same today. Hopefully today it won’t be so difficult to find an outlet for my computer.

Also, regardless of the clicheness ( I know it’s not a word) my thesis needs getting done. Wish me luck!

Goal: To bang out two pages more than I did yesterday. Just two. Very doable.

So So So Close

Did I mention I’m moving? I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to look through my past posts to check. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it because it’s only been on my mind since I started grad school. I know I’ve mentioned the four-year long distance relationship.

When I started grad school I promised my boyfriend that I would do the program as fast as I could. Immediately I asked my advisor if I could do my thesis hours away. When it was confirmed that I didn’t have to live in town and could write away from my university I was set. I ploughed through my courses and well, here we are at the end of my final semester of course work.

While my program is supposed to be three years, it can definitely be completed in two. With summers and loading up on classes, it’s doable. It’s not easy, but if it was easy then everyone would do it, right? The major issue I’m having this semester isn’t my classes, or teaching, or even the long distance. It’s my thesis.

I stupidly decided I wanted to write my first novel for my thesis. I also decided it would be a good idea to move, and hunt for jobs. My rough draft is due, the latest January 1st. I’m hoping I can bang it out before then, but with everything that is going on, I’m concerned. My goal is to graduate this spring, but I would be okay with myself if I had to push it to summer. Though, I didn’t graduate from undergrad in spring, and there is something magical about graduating in the spring, I think. All my friends graduated in spring and it’s so exciting, and everything is new, the leaves, the flowers, the moon. It’s fantastic. I’d like to participate in a spring graduation. Also, my youngest sister is graduating from high school this spring, and I think it would be so fun to have two spring graduates hanging out the house.

Okay, back to moving. Come mid-December I’ll no longer be in a long distance relationship. It’s crazy.

I was talking to my boyfriend about this recently and he pointed out that he won’t be excited until I’m living there. He reminded me that a few days after I move in I have to drive back home in order to attend a wedding and be with my family for Christmas. Then he’ll be excited because I’ll be back for New Years.

Oh, and he forgot to mention that I’ll hopefully be attending the MLA convention in Philadelphia for an interview. If you want incentive to finish a thesis and graduate apply for a job as a professor that requires a masters, so you have to finish it in order to work. HA!

I have to say the moving aspect of my life has taken over. I’m obsessed. I go on the Rooms to Go website daily and Ikea and Target just to see what furniture sales and options are available. I’m so eager to move I’ve already set up my electricity and have been browsing internet and cable packages.

While decorating is exciting that is not what I’m stoked about. It’s knowing that in roughly a month I’ll be able to see my boyfriend everyday if I want to. That I won’t have to have anymore lengthy phone conversations, that I’ll actually get to cook for him and and and and! go on dates! No more movies alone EVER AGAIN! ooooh we’ll even get to do normal couple things like hang out with friends together, and watch tv together. Hell, we’re just going to be together. I can’t wait. I can’t wait.

But I must focus. Thesis first. Excited second.

This upcoming weekend my boyfriend is coming for a visit and it’s the last visit we’re going to have as a long distance couple, and after four years of being apart, and many trips of meeting up in different places, and visiting each other. It feels so good to know it’s the last one. While we’ve had some great times, it’s feels really really really good to know it’s the last visit.

I must remember to focus. Think. Thesis.

Just in case you didn’t believe me

Things due by next week:

1) Annotated Bibliography

2) Research Paper proposal and working bibliography

3) 60 pages of a screenplay script

4) 30 pages of my thesis (novel).

Let the meltdown begin.

Monday Morning Magic (oh I just love alliteration in the morning)

As much as people hate Mondays, I have to stay I’m starting to love them. They are the fresh start to the week, the get-up-and-do-it! day. I woke up with minimal snoozing today, and feel ready to kick some serious ass. We’re talking PRO-DUC-TIVE! I wish I could wake up like this every morning.

If you’re down and out because it’s Monday, don’t be. Change your frame of mind, be stoked. I like to think of Monday as the day that determines how your week will go. I’ve decided today is going to a great day filled with productivity which will propel this week into getting part one of my novel/thesis done.

Yes I can!

Ready, we’re talking Spongebob ready!

Well, tomorrow I start teaching. I got all my teaching materials, and a super organized and detailed syllabus. I’m hoping to be basically teaching on auto-pilot. I know this is a dream but a girl can dream, right?

I’m super excited to get this semester going. This semester is the last of my coursework and the end of my rough draft of my thesis. I’m also hoping to lose some pounds that I’ve put on in the past two years. I”ll be attempting a new workout schedule as well as hardcore brown bagging lunch. Today I went to Target and bought those ice substitute packs, a lunch box and an aluminum water bottle. I also bought turkey meat and wraps. I’m ready!

While, I’ve always been a big brown bagger, I have had moments of weakness and have given in to some bad food choices. We have a Wendy’s on campus. How can one say to no to their Junior bacon cheeseburger? Or the Frosty? I will say, in general I do pick salad, but on a bad day, a Frosty is as good as a beer. MMMM Frosty. I digress.

I’m hoping that my really awesome four day weekend schedule that I have arranged for myself will also enable me to get some serious work done. I’m thinking I’m going to devote half of my Monday’s strictly to thesis work. Then as October progresses, I’ll devote half of Monday to my thesis, and about an hour to job hunting, and apartment hunting.

So, tomorrow I march onto campus READY! Ready, we’re talking Spongebob ready. I almost put another exclamation point at the end of that sentence and since I have Seinfeld on in the background I had second thoughts.

Wish me luck!

Bring it on, but be gentle

Today during orientation my classmates and I were talking about, “if I had one more week of vacation” and one of my friends said, “If had one more week I’d just squander it” and I replied with, “that’s exactly what I’d like to do, a week of doing nothing.” This summer has been a whirlwind of classes, teaching, and  writing. Unfortunately, I didn’t do as much writing as I planned, but I was very productive.

I noticed that while I was teaching and taking a class the second half of summer, my writing was totally put on the back burner and I now am really behind on my thesis. I know my thesis is mostly a matter of just sitting down and doing it, but I just can’t seem to bring myself to get my schedule in order.

During orientation as we were discussing our syllabi I realized how my “super teacher” attitude has been decimated. The past few semesters when I’ve had to design a course, I’ve always been super excited to pick the readings and write the assignments. That is one the best aspects of teaching, getting that fresh start every few months.

This fall, however, I find myself not really caring about the course I’m designing. I just want to fulfill the minimum requirements and be done by December, holding a rough draft of my novel ready for revision. Have I become a victim of the teaching assistant mentality? I know when I was in undergrad, I had teaching assistants who were clearly busy with their own work and put teaching on the back burner and  find myself doing it too.

Since I was kid I’ve always done everything at 110 percent and now I’m getting ready to start teaching and I know I just can’t give 110 percent and do my thesis well; and while I’m a student first, I don’t want to disservice my students by only having them do the bare minimum. I do think that I put too much of myself into my teaching and too little into my writing and it should be the other way around and maybe grad school is the place where I have to learn to balance my needs and wants with others. If that is the case, I say, “bring it on world” because I’ve always put everyone else first and I think it’s time for a little “me” time.

I would love some suggestions on how I can balance teaching, writing and being a student. Maybe I just need someone to tell me that it’s okay for my students to complete the bare minimum as long as we both do it at 110 percent. Motivation please….

Oh Yes It’s Summertime!

Well guys, I’m done with all my work. My silly school work and my paper grading. I’ve even averaged out their grades, just waiting on some lazy bone students to hand in late work (don’t worry, I am really just checking my mailbox, if they dont’ have their late work in F F F) and then inputting the grades into the computer. I am stoked. It is finally summer for me.

While, it’s been a super busy summer, in the midst of it I’ve learned some valuable lessons.

1) I can focus, if I put my mind to it. For years, as a pre-med student it seemed I was unable to sit down and do work. Maybe that’s because I have a deep seeded hatred for chemistry. I learned this summer if I really want to get it done, chances are I can do it in one sitting.

2) The focus doesn’t come unless you’re work space is clean.

3) Even though you have a ton of work to do, reward yourself if you’ve gotten a lot done. Maybe go to the $1 movie box at the grocery store and take a good two hour break. You’ve earned it.  I have found that if I don’t get lazy every once in a while my brain is not as efficient and my work suffers because of it.

4) Your school work and work you WANT to do comes first. While I love my students to death ( I had a great group this summer session) my work comes before theirs. I know they want their grades as fast as I can produce them, but it’s important that I don’t neglect my work. After all I am student first, GTA second.

5) Organization is key. This final summer class I was taking, I was a bit lazy and didn’t get my binder organized and my shit together until the end. It wasn’t until the deadlines were listed in my planner and the dividers were labeled in my binder that I really was ready to focus. I noticed this also with my teaching stuff. I started off really organized, with “To be Graded” folders, “Graded” and “Teaching Materials” and because of this I managed to get my student’s stuff in order (Can you tell I’m so left brained?)

6) If an idea comes to you in the middle the night and you have to be up 7, who cares, write your idea down. I figure I’ll sleep when I’m dead (or on vacation, which is right now!). I can’t tell you how many great ideas I’ve had right before falling asleep that I have neglected to write down. Not any more. I don’t care if turning on the lamp is going to burn a whole in my eyeballs, it’s worth it.

7) It’s important to be social, even if you’re busy. I know when I don’t have human interaction I get a little nutty. Friends are a wonderful support to have, take advantage of the network you are a part of. Don’t, however, take advantage of your friends.

Well, that’s just some of what I’ve learned these past two months.

I think that’s enough Pollyanna for today.

I’ll be on vacation for two weeks, but I’ll definitely be posting while I’m away, especially since I have time to write now.

De-Cluttering the Brain

In an effort to stay focused on my classes and teaching, I have completely neglected this blog. While I’m still in the middle of a summer session as both teacher and student, I am ashamed to say I have fallen off the wagon. Last summer session I was banging out pages and pages daily for my thesis/novel. I was focused and had a great schedule for both exercise and writing.

Once the second summer session began and I had to start teaching, my schedule was totally distrupted and I still (sadly it’s been three weeks) haven’t been able to get back on track. I can’t quite figure out why I have lost focus and I guess in the end it probably doesn’t matter. I just need to address the fact that I haven’t done any new writing in almost a month.

I have attempted to outline my novel and I am confident that with an outline the pages will come. I’ve always been a huge advocate of the outline. It is a great tool that I force my composition students to use, regardless of how much they like it. While my thesis isn’t something “academic” it’s still a large piece of writing that needs to be well structured. I am glad I haven’t completely forgotten about my thesis.

Writing this blog has been a great venue to get my thoughts out. In de-cluttering my brain I’ve been able to focus on my thesis. I’m hoping that since I decided to get going again, I’ll be ready to work on my thesis.

I’m a little nervous about the deadline for my rough draft. I need to have a completed rough draft of a novel by December. While December is seemingly far away, it’s closer than it appears; like a rear view mirror and the objects in it. Summer classes have a way of decieving. It seems like you’re getting so much done because you’re in class, then doing work but before you know it summer is over and it’s time to start again.

Since I was enrolled in summer classes last summer session, I haven’t really had a chance to recouperate. I’m grateful that I get a three week break between summer two and fall. I’m a little more than halfway through summer two and I already feel burnt out. While today I was incredibly productive, and I still feel a drive pushing me to finish some reading and grading, today was the first day in a while where I’ve gotten a lot done.

It’s a good thing I’m not so focused on the final grade. I do hope that doesn’t bite me in the ass when I eventually apply to PhD school. When I started grad school last August I was grade obsessed and it started to take away from the learning and enjoyment of higher education; so I decided I’d do my best regardless of a final grade of a B. In the end, I’m there to produce a thesis and read and learn about a bunch of literature. I’m not there to get straight A’s; although straight A’s would be great.

I keep going with this post because it feels good to just talk, to write. I feel better already and I’m thinking I shouldn’t have neglected this wonderful space that is One Mean MFA’s blog.

One last thing, teaching and writing is daunting. It seems that when I teach I put so much of myself into the classroom that it takes away from me putting myself into my writing. Today when I was grading papers, I found myself really giving my students a lot of insightful–and long comments. While I really want to help them grow as thinkers and writers I know that most of them just want to pass. They don’t care and I’ve noticed that many of them just flip to last page just to see the grade. So why the hell am I giving them these detailed comments? I’ll devote a post on this later.

Well thanks for listening. I feel invigorated and ready to focus on the rest of my reading and definitely the writing I need to get done for this week.

Practice Makes Perfect

So while ago I wrote about my non-existent writing schedule. I am proud to say it is no longer non-existent.

Initially when I started grad school I was writing only when I had deadlines. I think this is an issue with a lot MFA students. We are so bogged down with our literature classes and writing feedback for our classmates for workshop that we neglect our own work. I know that was my issue.

I’m currently enrolled in a three year program that requires both literature classes as well as workshops. The amount of literature  credits that I am required to take is three credits short of receiving an MA. It’s quite literature intensive, and because of the heavy focus on literature courses I knew I’d need a writing schedule that would enable me to write my own stuff.

If I continued to let my deadline system continue to be the only drive I had to write, all I’d have written is a crappy thesis I’d be embarrassed to revise, and way too many literature papers than I’d know what to do with. When would I produce anything else?

I was discussing this with my thesis chair. My professor suggested I write first thing in the morning, so that  “then it’s done.” I could move on with my day not worried about not having written anything because it would have been done as my first cup of coffee was being finished.

Since I didn’t have any kind of schedule I decided to give it a shot. I will say I was concerned writing in the morning was going to effect my workout routine. I enjoy running in the morning because it hasn’t gotten so hot yet and I can usually beat whatever weather issue my area may be having. In order to prevent any kind of interruption to my running regimen I set my alarm an hour earlier and decided I’d write for an hour first thing in the morning, then run, then shower and finish up the rest of my classwork.

Well, I will say it totally works for me.  I always thought that I was a nocturnal writer; that my best work flowed from my brain in the late hours of the night. Au Contraire! After a decent night of rest (who get’s good sleep anymore or ever, I know I sure don’t) I’m able to think clearly and focus. The best part of this writing in the morning thing is if that hour of writing sucks I get to run it out of my system and know I’ll be better the next morning or if I have a little bit of time to spare in the evening after class I can try again.

I’m so glad to have found my groove. I was hoping that would be something that I learned in grad school and it seems that after a year I have.

I know that not everyone is a morning person. I definitely am. Actually, I’m kind of an insomniac but I think I prefer the morning to night as far as being productive is concerned. Regardless of the kind of person you are, I think the trick to finding a writing schedule is to force yourself to set aside an allotted amount of time EVERYDAY.

Maybe you don’t have an hour to spare, then give yourself  twenty minutes. I know I waste twenty minutes here and there all day everyday, why not write during that time instead?

I’m sure when the fall starts or when I start my summer teaching I may have to cut my hour down to 45 minutes or even to half an hour, still I don’t plan on stopping my schedule all together because “I’m busy.” My thesis and my writing career are too important.  Plus, I think this is true with so many skills…Practice makes perfect.

This has become my mantra: Practice makes perfect, practice makes perfect and so I encourage all you writers out there to remember that when you are in a slump and can’t “find time to write” you won’t get any better unless you write. That poem, essay, story or novel won’t write itself.

Practice makes perfect.