money

Literally a Starving Artist

This morning when I signed into my bank’s website to check out what my balance looked like, I was shocked to see: $0.00. I had recently deposited $100 dollars. With it, I bought $23 dollars of groceries, a haircut, and some gas. That’s right. In less that a week I blew 100 bucks. I had 6 bucks laying around and I put into my gas tank so I could get home. I currently have $1.01 in savings account and that’s it. I’m surprised my bank hasn’t shut down my account.

While, I do admit to being horrible with budgets, my new years resolution was to get my finances in order, I do feel like I am the victim of a horrible pay schedule. I get paid once a month. I haven’t been paid since the end of December. FH has really been helping me. Boy has got my back. My next pay check is due March 1st. I need to file my taxes because I might get lucky and get some money back. I’m not hopeful.

I have some change in a mini-piggy bank. I’m hoping for 20 bucks. I just need to get some gas. In case you’ve been living under a rock, or live in a place with good public transportation gas is fucking expensive. Every day it seems to go up by about 10 cents. At this rate, I’m going to have to hitchhike to work.

As I spent the last 6 dollars to my name to fill my gas tank I had a true existential crisis. I’ve been crying for about an hour and am still pretty emotional. I will be calling the cable company to cancel the cable starting March 1st. I’ll be keeping my internet and Netflix, but that’s it. I may only save 50 bucks a month doing this, but honestly 50 bucks would at least fill up my gas tank.

I’ve been thinking of getting an emergency credit card. One that stays frozen in a block of ice and is then thawed for emergency use only. What do you think?

Every time I look at my bank accounts and see how broke I am, I reevaluate my life choice to be a professor. I don’t know how much longer I can live this existence. The thing is my degree is useless unless you teach, not to mention the job market isn’t really brimming with opportunities for loser adjuncts like myself.

I’m starting to get worried about the summer. What if I don’t get any sections? How the hell am I going to pay my bills? Waitressing? Ugh, just the thought of it.

I’m grateful that I have FH and a pretty supportive family. Still, when I talk to my mother about my finacial situation, I can’t help but hear the disappointment in her voice. She is an immigrant, as is my father, and if you know anything about immigrants all they want is for their kids to be more successful than themselves. For our family, that is not the case.

Maybe I should take a dollar in the change that I have and play the lotto. I’m pretty down right now, and I’m thinking the only way to go is up, right?

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Tell me this isn’t depressing…

Friday night has arrived and I’m dying to just DO something. Doing something can and would include: starbucks with friends, movies, bowling, renting a movie, going out for a drink, dancing, getting out of this room, and whatever else. Here is the problem: I have about ten bucks in my checking account waiting for student loans and my summer job to start. While the money situation is of course an aspect of being a GTA it’s getting old.I’m trying to avoid spending money except for on groceries and books I need for school.

I was going to go to the moviecube or blockbuster to rent a movie but here’s the thing my DVD player only plays movies in black and white and I think the sound is questionable. So my Blockbuster trip would be a very expensive one since I’d have to stop at Best Buy to buy a new DVD player.

 I’m itching for some kind of interaction. While I’m so glad one of closest friends from grad school is having a bbq tomorrow I still would like to do something tonight. Something that isn’t going to break the bank. I decided not to go to Best Buy and get that DVD player so I’m stuck here. Going to a place like Barnes and Noble is an unnecessary temptation. Delicious coffee and sweets,and even more delicous books. This is not a good idea.

My room is spick and span so cleaning is out of the question. Friday is my cleaning day so I’ve already done my chores. Some of you may ask, what about that boyfriend you occasionally alude to. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this but he lives 1000 miles away, so even couch time with the bf is not an option. Writing all this out is kind of making me a little bit emotional.

I have books and writing I could and probably should be doing for class but I desperatly need a break from homework. Although, the more I think about it I probably should do some more work today since tomorrow is going to be a day spent amoung friends. Tomorrow could be my break.

I’m done with the mindless television. TV gets lame after awhile, especially when you have the very basic cable package that doesn’t include HBO. I’ll proably do some mindless internet surfing for a while, maybe even research a bit for my novel. Sit in my bed and read. Not sure exactly what I’ll read but God knows there’s plenty reading material in this room.

I hope you aren’t reading this but are doing something recreational.

I know I’m such the Negative Nancy today. It’ll get better. I have to tell myself this. The hardwork pays off. This too shall pass, this too shall pass.