A list of excuses

All I have to do is finish this paper and summer is here, but I can’t seem to get it done. I keep finding new reasons not to work on this paper. Reasons like:

1) there is a sale on sundresses

2) I am brain fried

3) it’s beautiful outside

4) I hate my desk

5) I need ink for my printer

6) I’m too jittery from the coffee

7) I need to make food for the week

8) It’s Sunday, and by working on this paper I’m not following the 3rd commandment.

9) It’s not due until Tuesday morning so technically I have all of Monday to finish it

10) What’s 35% of my grade?

11) With summer here I should really paint my toes

12) I can’t concentrate unless everything is tidy, I should clean my room.


And I could keep going,  but it would further justify that I’m about two seconds away from going to the mall to look for sundresses. I think I’ll bang out two more pages and then look for some sundresses.

I would love to compile a really great list of excuses…please feel free to leave some suggestions or thoughts.


Stream of Consciousness: Edited

I will edit the following sentences so they are at least coherent but I won’t change what they say. Here is a glimpse into my brain.

I’m reading Borges, or was reading Borges today and it was the first time I’d read anything by him and I’m not quite sure how I feel. I know I don’t understand a lot of it, but that’s why I’m in school right? I wonder if anyone else who is reading what we have to read for class is struggling. Probably.  I learned as a teacher that usually when one person is confused there are actually about four or five more who are also confused.  That makes me feel better.

I stopped reading Borges because I was sick of the weird first person voice that he has and started working on a non-fiction piece. Then I was not crazy about that so I left it to marinate in my notebook. I can’t decide if I’m a hand written person or a computer typing person. Some days my best writing is written by hand, but then there are days when I can’t stand writing with a pen and want to just type it. Those are the days when I have too many ideas (well” too” many sounds negative because it feels good to have so many ideas that your hands can’t keep up). When I have days like that I should write more and read less.

I find sometimes I read so much that I can’t write. It’s like I have that author’s voice in my head and I feel tainted. I think that’s why I started writing a blog post so I could get my voice back, but if my voice is so random, like this, then maybe I should get Borges’ voice back in my head.

I ate popcorn while I read and it was delicious. Popcorn is one of my favorite snacks. I really do need to get some more peanut butter though. I have been a peanut butter kick and I’m all out.

Oh that note, I’m off the grocery store to get some Jiff (reduced fat of course).

Sleepytime Tea

It’s late. It’s past my bedtime and here I am blogging away. I don’t know if it’s because I’m addicted to this place or I just can’t sleep. I have been suffering from sleeplessness for a long time. I think calling what I have insomnia is unfair to people who actually suffer from insomnia. I do occasionally sleep, am able to function during my day, and have not gone mad. I think once the madness sets in a loved one should recommend medical treatment.

I have read many articles about what to do when you can’t sleep, things like: don’t do any other activity except sleeping in your bed. Apparently when you read, or watch TV, or write in a journal in your bed your brain starts to think your bed is a space for activities besides sleeping. So when you want to go to sleep you can’t. I’ve tried this; relocating my “other activities” to other spaces. I try to read only on the couch, or at Starbucks, or at the library. I don’t do anything but sleep in my bed and still I’m up right now. So let’s just say for me, this tip, not so helpful.

I’ve heard also, as probably many have, drink hot milk. This is a bullshit lie. It is a conspiracy to get us to drink more milk. Listen, I love milk, there is no need to lie about the magic powers of hot milk. I’ll drink the milk. Not to mention, hot milk is kind of gross and should be left to infants to drink. I like my milk cold, ice cold and right out of the refigerator. No glass necessary.

Right now I’m experimenting with Sleeptime Tea. I’m pretty sure this is a marketing scheme to get people who can’t sleep to drink tea. Again, I enjoy tea, there is no need to make up some fancy shmancy name for chamomile. I’m not a moron, I can read the ingredients. I don’t know if the tea is working. I’ve been sitiing here writing and drinking tea and my bed still doesn’t seem appealing.

I have also tried sleeping masks. They don’t work and the elastics give me headache if left on for too long. I do recommend them for naps and migraines, especially for migraines. They work magic when any kind of light makes your brain feel like it’s going to explode out of your eyeballs.

I do count a lot. That seems to be the most sucessful method. It slows down the other thoughts, the ones about what I have to do to tomorrow, as well as prevents me from  breaking down my entire day. Instead of worrying about everything I’m simply counting. I get to 100 and start over again and eventually I start to drift away.

This evening the counting wasn’t working. I think it’s because every time I got to 100 I did the math and realized how long I had been counting for. This defeats the entire purpose of counting. Suddenly I’m thinking 96-97-98, oh my God this is the fifth time I’ve gotten to 100, I don’t think this is working. then I say to myself, usually aloud, ENOUGH! GO TO SLEEP. Eventually though I do fall alseep, the sunrises and its time to start the day.

I’m nearly finished my fancy Sleeptime Tea. I think I’ll give my bed another chance. I’d love some ideas on how to fix this sleeplessness, and of course know what doesn’t work. Hot milk, honestly…

How to Make Fried Brain

We didn’t think she’d actually make us do it. I mean listening to twelve ten minute presentations is ludicrous. In fact there were rumors in the office that maybe she had wanted us to write them out so we could just hand them and discuss the readings. We all felt this was a logical lesson plan. Although, I do remember a few of us saying, “I wouldn’t be surprised if we have do them.”

Well, we were right. Class started and you know what she said, “Since we have so many presentations, we will write a reading response.”


So the good graduate students that we were took out paper and wrote for about 10 minutes, maybe more. After handing in this in that we began, each of us staring into nothingness, waiting to be next.

I was discussing what this class would entail with my other half. Here is a snippet of our conversation.

ME: So my class tomorrow night is going suck.

OH: Why?

ME: We have to listen to eleven presentations excluding ourselves

OH: How long are the presentations?

ME: Ten minutes.

OH: (in a surprised mixed with shock and appalled tone) How long is your class?

ME: Three hours.

OH: Jesus!

ME: Oh! And we also have to discuss three readings…I know.

The presentations started off fine. They were long, but relatively interesting. It was after about two of them that I started to look around the room and not really listen. I still had not presented and remembered the other part of my conversation with OH.

OH: You know what would suck? Being the first or the last presentation.

ME: Why?

OH: Well, the first person gets it over with but has the rest of the class to think about how they did and suffer through eleven presentations. The last person has to listen to all the presentations and will want to just get it over with.

So as the presentations went on (I should just call it torture, because that’s what it was) I realized, I hadn’t gone yet and there were only three people left. I had jinxed myself somehow. Or maybe my professor was punishing me. Finally it was my turn to go, I read and read for what felt like an eternity. I finished with a breath of relief, it was neither a gasp nor a rush.

When we were done it felt as if someone had battered my brain with eggs, flour and milk and deep fried it. So, if you’re looking to make good ole fashioned (it sounds more delicious with the “good ole fashioned”) deep fried brain then make your students, regardless of level, sit through that many presentations.