Hitting Me Softly

Frankenmommy passed away on Thursday morning around 4:30 in the morning. Since then, it’s been a natural disaster that won’t quit. Until Saturday night, I hadn’t slept since Tuesday. I was put in charge of funeral arrangements and have had to mediate fights between my father and Blacksheep and my youngest sister and Blacksheep. 

Nothing about my mother dying feels real yet. I don’t believe it, and don’t think I will until I see her beautiful face resting in her coffin. I have dreaded many things, but this morning I shook as I gathered my toiletries to shower. Today will suck. And that is fact. 

I have to say, despite having to go through this awful experience of falling on hard concrete, my family, especially Husband and my friends, have created this giant fluffy pillow to help me land softly. I feel completely embraced in love and good thoughts and for this I am truly grateful. 

I hope that today that pillow catches my inevitable free fall into my mother’s death which currently seems like a horrid dream but is sadly my new reality. 

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4 comments

  1. My condolences on the loss of your mother. I lost mine almost five years ago and there are days when the grief hits me like it was yesterday. My cousin posted a picture of my uncle today and he looks so much like my mother that I immediately started weeping. I hope you and your family are moving beyond shock and remembering the best things about your mother and her life. —JG

  2. I’m so very sorry to hear about your mother’s death. I lost my beloved Mom 9 1/2 years ago to colon cancer. I h-a-t-e cancer!!

    I still have moments where I think to myself, “Hey, I should pick up the phone and call Mom and tell her about this!” And, then…I remember that I can’t. It still makes me sad.

    For me, the sharp edges of my grief have worn down to softer ones, but I still miss my Mom very much. I remember many of our good times together. It helps me to remember the good times because the bad ones (her final days) can be very haunting, I was blessed to have a wonderful Mom for as long as I did. I will pray for you and your family.

    1. Thank you for the kind words. It’s only been 10 days and I’ve already felt the same things as you’ve described. I’ve wanted to call her and tell her things but realize that I can’t. It’s awful. I still don’t believe it and probably never will.

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