I haven’t lost any weight. Nothing. My body fat composition is down, but I’m not losing anything on the scale. Before you even try to say something about how great. Oh wow. You’re still shrinking since your body fat composition is down. Well, shut it. My clothes don’t fit me any better and I don’t look any thinner.
And here is why.
I eat way too much. I have a serious problem. There are some days when I know I’m not hungry, and I eat regardless. It’s awful. I take in too many calories. Most importantly, I don’t delay gratification.
If want a cookie, I eat it. If I want ice cream, I eat it. If I want a big bowl of pasta, I eat it. I don’t eat fast food or things that are unhealthy. I just eat too much of everything in general. I also eat to the point that I’m full. It’s a terrible habit, and I don’t really know why I do this. Sometimes I wonder if I’m filling some void.
I have been told and have noticed that I’m a terrible binger. I binge on everything. I binge eat, binge exercise, binge hang out with my friends. Binging is how I roll. It’s this character trait of mine that is one of many reasons why I don’t do drugs. I totally couldn’t handle drugs. I’d be homeless and high. It would be bad.
As the wedding approaches and I continue to make bad choices, I realize that I have this problem. I have tried not buying those things because I can’t have them in my presences. This seems unfair to FH. When we do finally merge he’ll want to have Oreos and cookies, snacks, and other bad-for-OMMFA-foods. I must learn to control myself.
Today when I was having a small ice cream after dinner I thought: this is not how a bride who wants to be thinner should eat.
I’ve always had this problem and I thought seeing a dietician would help. All the dietician has taught me is to love exercise. I mean really love it. This, of course, is not a bad thing, but I’m not skinnier and I still think I should cancel the photographer because I’m going to hate every picture. I just know it.
FH always asks: How bad do you want it?
Sometimes the desire to have ice cream seems to over power the desire to be thin. This is the problem. What I want to figure out is why? Why does the ice cream seem better at the moment versus being skinny in the future?
I am so vain so why do I eat the damn ice cream?
Well, this has been bothering me and I figured if I got it out of my head I might be able to conquer it.
Does anyone else have this problem out there? How do you deal?