So my mom got back from the doctor on Monday. The surgery was canceled because they found legions on both parts of her liver and a growth inside her chest. The doctors can’t perform the surgery to remove the tumors behind her stomach because it would require cutting too much of the liver. Also, because she had been doing chemotherapy for a long time her body became resistant to it, resulting in new growths. The doctor is now suggesting that she try a new type of chemotherapy, but we will know for sure what the actual plan of action is after her appointment tomorrow.
This, of course, isn’t what we wanted to hear. It isn’t terrible news, but it isn’t great news either. Last year after her first year doing chemotherapy, the doctor gave us great news: the tumors were shrinking, and were possibly inactive (dead). This gave the family all this hope. While, hope is not lost, it is deeply disappointing that the cancer is winning this battle. The war, however, wages on.
When I spoke to my mother on the phone she was very calm and wasn’t openly upset. She is a force. My Black Sheep sister called me shortly afterwards and was not so strong. She even claimed that my father was in hysterics crying. My dad is not a cryer.
I panicked. My mother has been known to hide family dramas from me. While I was in grad school our family experienced quite a few traumatic events, and I didn’t find out about them until it was too late to offer my help, or support. I also only found out about them from my sister. This happened recently when some drama went down with Black Sheep sister. Since I now live far away from my family and have been stressed out about my own problems, my sister (the white sheep?) has informed me that my mother didn’t want to burden me with the stress of the family.
Needless to say, that is bull$?@#, but whatever. This is the kind of person my mother is. She is way too kind, and holds everything in, hence a disease like a cancer.
So, I called my father. He immediately started crying and said, “It’s not good news. It’s very bad.” After asking what the doctor said, he repeatedly replied, “The doctor said, we need a miracle. What does that mean? We need a miracle. It means it’s not good.”
I then chided him for freaking out in front of my mother. Seriously. She should haven’t to show us that she is strong, she should be looking to us for strength, and if she needs to cry.
I called my mother back. The following is our conversation:
Me: Ma, can you tell me why everyone is freaking out?
Ma: I don’t know. Whose freaking out?
Me: Daddy and Black Sheep.
Ma: I see.
Me: They really don’t need to be freaking out. Everything is going to be fine.
Ma: I know. It’s ridiculous. It’s going to be okay.
Me: You should know that you are obligated to come to the wedding.
Ma: I know.
Me: I’m also holding you to your commitment to meet your future grandchildren.
Ma: I see.
Me: So if you have other plans, you’re going to have to cancel them.
Ma: (laughing) Yeah, I’ll put them on hold.
Me: Exactly, because everything is going to fine.
So, that’s it. I’ll know more about future treatments and actions tomorrow.
Black Sheep has been looking into some more natural remedies. Apparently there are diets, and herbs, and all kinds of “home” treatments that people swear by. I think at this point there is no harm in trying them.
If you know of any treatments for Sarcoma, please feel free to link to them in the comments, on twitter (@onemeanmfa), or email them to me (email@example.com).
It’s going to be fine.