Month: November 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

Right now my mom is getting Thanksgiving dinner ready and it smells incredible. Vacation is over and it was a great one. The boyfriend PROPOSED! I’m super excited. It was very romantic and lovely, and in our favorite place to vacation. I feel like the luckiest girl ever.

So, not only am I so grateful that the boyfriend wants me to his wife, but my mom is celebrating good news from the doctors. Her tumors aren’t growing and she will go in for a PET scan to see if the tumors are dead.

I couldn’t ask for a better Thanksgiving.

This year, for the first time in a long time, we are going to have about twenty people at the house and it will be loud and joyous. I can’t wait.

I hope all of you are having a great Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving, and Family, and Vacation–Oh MY!

Thanksgiving  break cannot come soon enough.  The boyfriend and I will be heading over to my parents this year, but before that we’ll be taking a small vacation that is so warranted.

Because being a college instructor is literally the greatest thing ever, I canceled classes for Monday and Tuesday (we’re having class on-line, thank you Blackboard). It will be nice be gone for the week. Sometimes heading out-of-town like I did at Halloween is just what the doctor ordered.

This week, however, promises to be mildly chaotic. I still have three classes worth of final drafts to comment and grade before tomorrow. I also need to pack, which, for whatever reason, always takes me an eternity. Yesterday, I was consumed by a cleaning bug, and even wiped down my kitchen cabinets. I’m a psycho when it comes to cleaning. I was on my hands and knees wiping down the moldings in the kitchen and bathroom. Also, tomorrow night Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 comes out and you can bet your ass I’ll be at a midnight showing.

I know that doesn’t seem like a lot to do, but the paper grading is draining.

My students don’t really need to have their papers back before tomorrow, but it will definitely make the vacation more pleasant knowing I can come back to a paper free apartment and work on some writing.

I haven’t seen my family since the summer, which is the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing my parents. Strangely enough, it’s been easier than I thought it would be. Maybe I should have gone to college out-of-state ( I was only about 2 hours away). Still, I’m looking forward to seeing my parents and sisters, even though seeing family is almost always a foreshadowing of drama and yelling. 

I’m especially eager to see how the renovations at the house have gone…I don’t know if I posted about that, but I should totally tell you all that story, since it’s simply ridiculous. Also, my mother gets her CAT Scan results back tomorrow and I’m crossing my fingers and praying like crazy that we get back some good news (please keep her in your prayers and thoughts).

Thanksgiving this year is going to be huge at the One Mean MFA’s Parents’ house (almost typed in my actual last name). The boyfriend will be with us, my youngest sister and her boyfriend’s family, some friends of my youngest sister, my aunt, uncle and surrogate grandmother and some other faces will be there. It’s going to be loud and Italian and I can’t wait. Also, my mother makes the best freakin’ stuffing on the face of the Earth.

What are you guys doing for Thanksgiving? Are you ready to get into holiday gear?

Jon Stewart, Thank You

So last Thursday I had a complete mental breakdown. I was severely depressed and my anxiety was back in full swing.

I’ve been having anxiety attacks for about two months now, and the only thing that gets my heart rate down and my breathing caught up is yoga. I needed to relax and it was really good timing that I was going to D.C. for the Rally to Restore Sanity this past weekend. I needed to get the hell out of town and forget my adjuncting woes. Funny how a Rally to Restore Sanity was actually able to help me restore mine. Thanks Jon Stewart.

The Boyfriend was worried about me and admitted to me that I was driving him crazy with all my complaining. I still feel really bad about this. He told me I had been complaining for a while–like two months–and he couldn’t take it any more. I don’t ever want to drive anyone crazy, especially not someone who loves and cares about me. He’s a great listener and completely understands that I need to vent my frustrations.

We were sitting in his car and he asked me about what was bothering me and I told him about how I felt like my students were depleting my nutrients. I wasn’t getting anything back from them–no stimulating conversations, no laughing, no good quality writing. I was getting apathetic, glossy looks and mediocre work. I felt like they were taking everything I had and giving me nothing in return.

While teaching is one of those jobs, I found myself thinking I might need to find another career choice. I actually thought, “maybe teaching isn’t for me.” My whole life I’ve been so sure that I was born to teach. Yes, I thought it was going to music at first but teach nevertheless. This is my fourth year as a teacher, and I can’t believe I may actually be burning out. I’m not happy about this. Because the Boyfriend is very action oriented he helped talk me through what I needed to do change my situation. This last sentence makes it sounds like he was dictating to me what I needed to do, but it was more of a “what steps do you need to take to get where you want to be?” and “how are you going to take them?” and “what do you think your next move should be?” It wasn’t like, “Hey One Mean MFA, you should be doing this and this.” Neither of us do well with orders.

Anyway, after many tears and used up tissues, I decided that I needed to stop with the super teacher bull. Being a super teacher is NOT going to get me a tenure track position. Instead,  it will suck my time away from what is most important–my writing. So, I’m done getting papers back to them immediately. I’m done with all the caring, and going out of my way for them. Done. Done. Done.

I know this may sound incredibly selfish, and when I left for D.C. I wasn’t sure if I’d actually be able to pull it off when I came back. I have a tendency to say I’m going to do something (i.e. exercise) and then not. Although lately I’ve been good about actually doing what I’m saying. It’s the yoga, I think. It has seriously changed my life ( a yoga post to follow?).

It might be my first week back, but you want to know what people? For the first time in months–can you hear me out there?–months I actually sat down and did some writing. It felt great. Yes, I’m rusty. I’m hoping that maybe tomorrow I’ll even be sore. When I got back from work I got caught up in non-writing stuff and when I left for yoga I thought to myself, “you haven’t written one sentence.” Then I came back and took a pen to paper, which I later typed out since I do everything by hand–or at least start off by hand.

Also, the Boyfriend and I decided that I’m not going to talk about work, because the adjuncting thing is a side job. The writing is the real job. I haven’t really been talking about work. Usually I’m all–today my students did this or we were discussing that. Nope. No more. Maybe next week I’ll write even more. Regardless, it feels really good to have my f@$!ing priorities straight.

All of you out there? Have you done some writing today? If not, it’s cool, but what is holding you back?