Month: September 2010

I want to be a…

professor and frankly looking for jobs that start a year from now makes me wonder if I’m being a little too ambitious. I feel like I’m applying at school that I couldn’t get into to take classes, why the hell would they give me a job?

I have to keep telling myself that I’m good enough…I’m smart enough….and gosh darnit–people like me. (I couldn’t resist).

Wish me luck!

The Four Day Rut

I have literally been in a foul mood for four days straight. I can’t explain why, it’s just been one of those weeks where I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. While I am prone to ruts, I have been since senior year of high school, this rut is one of the worst. It is reminiscent of my pre-depression days during undergrad.

Yes I do stress over things that I shouldn’t, but I don’t think this rut is being fueled by stress. My best friend and I have decided it’s a planetary issue. My rising sign is Virgo, and well I don’t think the planetary alignment and full moon are helping out. Although, if the planets aren’t to blame, I really don’t know what is.

The following are things that are bothering me:

1. I might have to move because the apartment complex I live in is raising its rates. That’s right in this economy where jobs are low, and prices are high the place that I live is raising its rate. How F#$@ed up is that? There is an upside to this, however. There is a neighborhood in the city that I live that I absolutely adore and it has affordable housing which is old and charming. Still moving is a pain in the ass and I’m not stoked about it.

2. No matter how hard I try I can’t get myself caught up in my grading. Currently, I have my phone on silent and I still managed to kill three hours in my car driving around to blow off some steam and consequentially wasted gas. Because I feel like I can’t get caught up I may give up a relaxing Saturday evening and grade. May being the key word in the previous sentence.

3. Because of my foul mood, the boyfriend and I got into a bit of a tif this morning and I feel terribly about it because it was my completely my fault. I’m an ass. No–and asshole.

4. The MLA job list has me worried about the future, which I cannot control and has me paranoid that I’m not good enough to be a professor and may need to invest more time and money into my education.

5. I miss my family so terribly. I want to visit them during my fall break but am not sure if I’ll be able to. Every Sunday when I’m alone in my apartment, I think about how I used to join them for mass and we’d have a traditional Italian meal. I miss it a lot. While I will acknowledge that being around them too much does bring on panic attacks–I have legitimate medical data to prove this–I still miss them.

As I write this list, I see how foolish it is that I’m upset and maybe a nice long jog or iPod dance party might help lift my spirits. More importantly, I need to stop procrastinating because that is what is causing all of this suffering. I love list making it always helps.

Drowning

What is it about this time in the semester that makes it seem like there is no way to catch up? I am literally drowning in my teacher stuff. There are two things allowing me to survive 1. Yoga  and 2. Deep breathing.

This semester is turning out to be quite stressful. Hopefully spring will be a little less intense.

In It to Win It

Well, we’re slowly moving towards the middle of the semester.  My students have turned in their first papers and we are trucking through to the next. It is all happening so fast.

As you faithful readers know, I suck at making a schedule for myself. Well, nothing has changed so far. The only schedule I have been sticking to is my workout schedule. While I feel like this is a good start, I still need to get my teaching stuff in order–not having an office at work really blows–and desperately need a writing schedule.

I am thinking because I don’t have to be at work so early on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday that I will get my writing done in the mornings. This will enable me to start my day off completely focused on my career.

For those of you future MFA graduates, the time has come to start applying for professor jobs. As much as I hate job hunting it is so important that the cover letters and all that business gets done soon. I only have to update my CV and write a bunch of cover letters, but I’m ready. Nothing, besides myself, can stop me from getting a kick ass professor job for next fall. I’m so ready.

I think all the yoga I’ve been doing has really gotten me focused and has cleared my head of all the BS.

Well, I hope all of you out there are writing your little hearts out. Between this blog, my blogging project, and my own fiction, nonfiction and novel work I know I’m about saturated.

How to Contain My Thoughts

My brain is on overload. I’m not particularly enjoying the holiday weekend…actually more like today. I’m indoors working on teacher stuff and this enormous blogging project. Except, instead of just focusing on the teacher stuff I’m having this urge to do something spontaneous.

For the past few weeks, I have been thinking about what life would be like in an enormous city–like New York, Boston, LA, Chicago. I keep thinking I’d like to live in one of these huge cities. I know it would be insane to drop everything and move, but I also think it might a fun adventure. While, I’m too broke to be adventurous, these thoughts have been consuming me.

The thing is, I love the city I currently live in. It’s lovely. The people are great, and having a same-city boyfriend is fantastic. But…I don’t know.

It’s possible the school year was thrust my way, and because I’m was not nearly ready for it I’m getting this strange itch. Maybe, I just need to go on trip somewhere different. I haven’t been on a trip to anywhere new in a long time.

I’ll be saving my money.

Being spontaneous only works when you have cash flow.

2010  has been one tough year for cash flow.

Anyone else out there getting the spontaneous bug?

Rearranging Furniture

As I mentioned earlier, I am working on setting up a small office space in my apartment. Below you’ll find my current office space as well as the corner of the apartment I’ll be turning into an office space. Please help a sister out with some suggestions. The boyfriend is helping me build the desk this evening. By helping me build the desk, I mean I’ll be watching as he does most of the work. Love you boyfriend! 

Yeah, this is my current office space. Jealous?

 

The boyfriend and I can’t eat here because it’s always being monoplized by papers. I would love to be about to eat here. It’s a good table. 

This is the future space for my "office."

 

I can’t decide if I need to move the keyboard or not. I am getting rid of the file cabinet because the drawers are busted, but I do need something for my files. I’ll probably just get another one that actually works. 

Any ideas on how to make this a really good functioning office space?