Heavy Wet Eyes and a Punch in the Chest

I counted the days to my moving to the same zip code as my boyfriend and it’s 64 days. SIXTY FOUR! I can’t decide if I’m okay with it, or if when I counted the days I was hoping it would be less. When I got fifty, I have to admit I was so disappointed. I thought I’d count and it would be like 40 days, but instead it’s almost a month more.

With the semester reaching a climax work is piling up around me and having not seen my love for a month (which doesn’t seem long saying it out, but I’m so over it) and knowing it’s going to be another month before I see him is really killing me. We have a rule where we don’t say “I miss you” to each other because it’s not healthy to dwell and isn’t it obvious that we miss each other. If we didn’t miss each other something would be wrong. And while he hasn’t said “I miss you” flat out, he has hinted at some emotion regarding my absence in his life. Recently he texted me randomly during his work day and told me he was usually okay waiting but he didn’t want to wait to see me, then added, “I want to see you now.”

Tell me about.

Today, when I looked at my planner and see presentations, screenplays, papers, cover letters, and a thesis needing to be completed, it seems like all those things are even more difficult to complete because my chest feels like it’s caving, my ribs can’t hold in the pain any longer. I’m going to implode.

I know I have to think about these things like a relay race. Every task completed is one step closer to being able to cook dinner for him or go on a date. A date! with him.

There is so obviously a whole in my chest. I can do it though. I will survive.

p.s. I hope he doesn’t read this, cause then I’ll be a pinch embarrassed. 

p.p.s. I love him–a lot.

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