Seven Days of Nothingness

Spring Break has arrived. In fact, it’s almost over. Here is my issue: Even with seven days of nothingness to get some work done, possibly get ahead so that the end of the semester doesn’t come crashing down around me, I still feel like I don’t have enough time.

After compiling a list of work to do for school, I have managed to squeeze in about 2 hours for myself to attend a museum which has an Andy Warhol exhibit going on. I thought this exhibit would also be cool to see since I’m currently enrolled in a course dealing with post-modern literature and after reading some theorists who spoke about Andy Warhol I thought, “Hey, I can check out what they hell they are talking about and not use google images.”

While it is only Wednesday and yes, there are quite a few hours left in the day to do work, I feel fried. I’ve been reading One Hundred Years of Solitude and while it is a really good read, I feel like it might be nice to finish the Twilight series over break. There is nothing wrong with a trashy read every now and then. I feel like in order for me to be ready for next week I’m actually going to have to stay up late, but not to drink and be merry with friends or to watch a movie or anything fun. I’m going to be staying up so that I won’t feel guilty when I’m at the museum and I’ll know come Monday I’ll be ready to kick some school work ass.

While I am well aware, as my boyfriend reminds me that I “signed up for this,” I still wish I wouldn’t feel so bad when I wasn’t doing work. I mentioned in an older post about having grad student guilt and I don’t know if guilt is something that comes easy to me because of the the Catholic upbringing but when I took 30 minutes to prepare lunch today and had the TV while I ate it, I felt bad.

I will say I’m glad I’m in this program and I’m really glad that I’m doing it at a faster rate (I’m squeezing a three year program into two). I know that is part of the reason why I’ve got so much to do and while the next few semesters will be exhausting the reward of having completed it will replace the stress. For now, I guess I need to just deal with the guilt, get the work done and stop complaining.

I’m glad I have this blog to vent about this stuff because my co-workers simply tell me I’m crazy for taking four classes. The funny thing is I don’t find the school work is what takes up so much of my time, it’s dealing with student excuses, grading papers, and planning lessons that actually eats away at my school work. While I do love teaching, sometimes I think I’m not being a very good teacher because, let’s be honest, I’m a student first and everything else second.

I was discussing this whole idea of teaching cutting into my time as a student with one of my professors. She made a great comment that I have taken to heart. She said, “you have to do what is best for you first, then worry about everything else.” I think she’s right. That’s why, although I will feel guilty at the museum tomorrow and while sometimes I cut my runs short because I have ton of work to do, I still do the stuff that is important for me. I do my school work, my exercise, and even manage to occasionally squeeze a little entertainment in my life.

The teaching stuff, while important, comes second. When I’m a full time professor and I’m not living below the poverty line I will then spend more time being a great teacher. I do the best with the time and resources that I have and while I still carry that grad student guilt I’m going to enjoy what’s left of this week, put off reading the Twilight series but enjoy the museum and not having to be on campus.

How does that sound?

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