I received news today that I’m going to be published. The news came via email while I was in the office, which is an open space with old desks and crappy computers that all the TA’s share and instead of jumping up and screaming like a nut who won the lottery I quickly logged out of my email account grabbed my things and left the office so I could make two phone calls.
Something inside me told me I shouldn’t tell anyone in my program about this. I don’t know why I felt, feel, this way but I think it was a good idea nevertheless. My Facebook status says nothing about it which makes it seem unofficial, but regardless I’m not going to say a word.
As I sat in class, which was impossible to focus in, I thought about why I wanted to keep this good news quiet. The snobbery and arrogance that runs rampant in the program has made me well aware of negative energy and bad thoughts.
I believe so strongly in people having energy that actually effects people around them. For instance, gossip is a negative energy that is sent towards the people who are being spoken about. Jealousy is also a negative vibe. I don’t think it’s smart to let people with this kind of dark mentality to think green and black thoughts about you. I believe this is sort of where the idea of “keep your friends close, your enemies closer” stems from. Someone who is jealous and doesn’t like you is at an advantage knowing good and bad things about you because it presents them with the opportunity to use this information to sabotage you.
I know this sounds a little bit “conspiracy theory” like, but it is true. I always wonder if my competitive and nasty colleagues are thinking horrible thoughts, if these negative thoughts enter my space and effect my universe. It could right?
Maybe deep down I believe in telepathic powers and don’t want my colleagues who are openly competitive and openly condescending to me to use these powers towards me. I instead will use my silence to counter their negative thoughts towards me and keep building that CV.
Your thoughts? Do I sound like a nut?
p.s. I’m soooo excited! My first publication, hopefully of many!