…counting down to spring break.
I received news today that I’m going to be published. The news came via email while I was in the office, which is an open space with old desks and crappy computers that all the TA’s share and instead of jumping up and screaming like a nut who won the lottery I quickly logged out of my email account grabbed my things and left the office so I could make two phone calls.
Something inside me told me I shouldn’t tell anyone in my program about this. I don’t know why I felt, feel, this way but I think it was a good idea nevertheless. My Facebook status says nothing about it which makes it seem unofficial, but regardless I’m not going to say a word.
As I sat in class, which was impossible to focus in, I thought about why I wanted to keep this good news quiet. The snobbery and arrogance that runs rampant in the program has made me well aware of negative energy and bad thoughts.
I believe so strongly in people having energy that actually effects people around them. For instance, gossip is a negative energy that is sent towards the people who are being spoken about. Jealousy is also a negative vibe. I don’t think it’s smart to let people with this kind of dark mentality to think green and black thoughts about you. I believe this is sort of where the idea of “keep your friends close, your enemies closer” stems from. Someone who is jealous and doesn’t like you is at an advantage knowing good and bad things about you because it presents them with the opportunity to use this information to sabotage you.
I know this sounds a little bit “conspiracy theory” like, but it is true. I always wonder if my competitive and nasty colleagues are thinking horrible thoughts, if these negative thoughts enter my space and effect my universe. It could right?
Maybe deep down I believe in telepathic powers and don’t want my colleagues who are openly competitive and openly condescending to me to use these powers towards me. I instead will use my silence to counter their negative thoughts towards me and keep building that CV.
Your thoughts? Do I sound like a nut?
p.s. I’m soooo excited! My first publication, hopefully of many!
Seriously. My brain feels like it’s been a “Fry Baby.” Do they still make those things? I bet they don’t sell as much because everyone and their mother is watching their weight. Well I don’t really like my french fries baked I like them double fried. It’s bad for you which is why I don’t really subscribe to the french fry even though they are delicious and probablyly in the top 5 of my favorite foods. Wait, how did I get to talk ing about food. It truly is a major obsession of mine. Thank goodness I’m aware that when I smell food I gain weight because if I wasn’t I’d be so fat.
Okay back to when spring break is. I just hope I can enjoy it. I’m worried my goal of “getting ahead” is going to get in the way of me enjoying my time off. Although, maybe by getting ahead I will be able to enjoy the rest of my semester. Also, if I get ahead and not go to movies and dinners, my paycheck will go further. As much as I love being a student, I do miss the paycheck of being a professional. Although, aren’t I professional? I’m confused.
I think I’ve been reading too much. Is there such a thing. My brain seriously feels like when I get out of the shower and over estimate how much lotion I need on my legs and can’t get it off. You know, you keep rubbing and rubbing then you try and put your forearm on your leg to get the lotion off.
Okay I’ve been random enough for today. Maybe I should skip to my class tonight it may help with the serotonin situation.
As I headed out for my run it happened. I hadn’t done it in years but something compelled me to skip. Who skips anymore? I felt like a little girl with pigtails who had nowhere to be and nothing to do. I will admit it was lovely and the more I skipped it the more I wanted to, plus I think serotonin was being released into my brain.
It made wonder if there is a correlation between happiness and skipping. I remember being encouraged by my mother to skip. We’d be outdoors and she would hold my hand and my sister’s and we’d skip around the cul-du-sac. It was great, but when did my love of skipping end?
I don’t know if it was the music on my ipod that encouraged such childlike behavior but suddenly I was skipping and smiling and not caring that I might be seen. I wasn’t seen so maybe that is a bit of a relief and knowing my image obsessed self, I probably would have stopped had a car been approaching, but I guess what would it have mattered if I was spotted skipping?
I’m pretty sure skipping is not only for little girls in pigtails.
I am wondering if I should continue skipping, and I should skip everyday? Would my people think I was crazy? Am I crazy for even considering skipping?
I told my other half how I skipped today and the response was, “okay?” Maybe he was wondering if I was some crazy chick, I just couldn’t help it. I had to tell him.
I guess, I’m wondering if I’m alone in my skipping.
If you haven’t skipped lately, whether old or young, girl or boy, I think you should do it. If you’re having a bad day look up at the sky and skip for like ten seconds, I bet you’ll feel better. Thoughts?
GTA’s should have undergrad teaching assistants this way paper grading isn’t such a torture. Isn’t it bad enough we have to deal with freshman, spring semester freshman who are so unmotivated and text message during lecture/discussion even though they are paying good money for the class. Okay enough with the negative thinking.
Spring break is almost here which means, writing and reading and relaxing. I should make a count down clock.
Molly, a reader of One Mean MFA’s blog asked me in a comment, “where the heck are you gardening in Decemeber?” explaining that she is in Minnesota. So in response…
Funny story about gardening. This summer I spent a few weeks in Rome with my cousin who lives so close to the Vatican you can see the Vatican wall from her balcony. She has tons of plants on her balcony but they looked sad and pathetic so while she was at work I took it upon myself to buy her some plants that would flower in the sping and summer, and rearranged the pots around the balcony. It looked fantastic. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, I just find time to appreciate plants.
I’m obsessed with trees and wish I was better at taking pictures because I would love to make a coffee table book with pictures of trees. All kinds of trees. Recently I was in the car with my significant other who was driving, it was late and we were both tired and sitting in silence (that’s how you know it’s love because we can sit in silence and it’s not awkward) and I blurted out, “I love trees.” It had nothing to do with anything, it was that I couldn’t help myself from saying out loud.
I think that is why I should have been friends with Wordsworth…the man is obsessed with nature and I think I have a touch of his obsession.
I’m actually about to plant some flowers in a pot so I can have flowers for the spring. It will be one of my many indoor plant adventures.
Sorry it’s taken so long to post. Wednesday I’ll try to post on the AWP conference.
Thanks for reading.
In the past few weeks, while sitting in workshop I have learned that I cannot escape the snobbery. I want to write more about this snobbery through both the art of poetry and of course I am looking forward to venting about it here. I don’t feel like I have time to write a well thought out blog post. I bought chocolate chip cookies and I’m glad I did because they are delicious and I only have two left which I will finish today because I feel like if I don’t they will disappear. It doesn’t make sense but it does to me. I think I’ll go get those cookies now.
I started writing a huge piece of writing and I’m excited to work on this. Cookie time.